


Broom closets

by DreamersEclipse



Series: Kiss Me Kill Me [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: But when isn't he, Fenris is grumpy, Gen, Innuendo, M/M, broom closets, conspire against hawke, everyone else is not, hawke and anders are set up, hawke is innocent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 17:37:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4885705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamersEclipse/pseuds/DreamersEclipse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke is innocent and Isabella so loves corrupting those blushing virgin types. Good thing there's a sexy apostate mage on hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broom closets

**Author's Note:**

> Un-betad. All mistakes are mine.

They had been talking about an encounter that Hawke had had earlier in having ran into some old friends on another one of Kirkwall's many 'chores'. Somehow the attention had turned to Anders during the course of the conversation. He was forced to talk about the friends he had in the Tower. A topic of which he didn't care to talk about since the only real friend he had was Karl and everyone else was either a prank subject or a prank accomplice.

"If I bumped into the friends I once had in the tower on the street they'd find some reason to disappear as soon as possible. I know this because they took measure to avoid me on the one floor that we shared. Which is not so easy to do considering we shared living quarters that sometimes felt more like a broom closet than a bedroom and believe me I've been stuffed into enough broom closets to know the difference." Anders told them.

"What were you doing in a broom closet? Hawke asked curiously. Compared to the gleam in Isabella's eyes it was virgin in its innocence.

The Rivaini leaned her head into her hand and used a purring tone to say, Ooh you must have found some useful hardware in there."

Anders rolled his eyes. Hawke just tilted his head in a confused bird like fashion. "That's not the point I was trying to make."

"Oh believe me darling they're not all that hard to make. And it's only after you make them that they're hard."

Hawke gave a noise of annoyance and slumped in his chair somewhat, "What? Is she talking dirty again? Agh, I hate it when you guys leave me out of the loop."

"You poor innocent fool." Isabella said with great pity on her features. "We need to get you laid. Anders, you're up, darling!"

"What?!" Anders flinched in shock. "Why me? And what do you mean 'you're up'? This isn't a damn brothel check list!"

Hawke's face was as red as raw lyrium. "L-laid?"

Isabella was just laughing evilly. "I already tried to get in Hawke's pants. And it's obvious the poor sod only has eyes for a certain apostate." She winked, downing some of the strong rum she had from her flask.

Said certain apostate's face burned with embarrassment as he slunk down in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at their residential pirate pervert.

That was how the rest of their group found them. Isabella laughing like a drunken idiot poking fun at two red faced warriors (one who looked like he was about to faint of embarrassment and the other about to throw fireballs left and right).

"Oh, Verric, I think Hawke and Anders are sick! Look how red their faces are." Merrill exclaimed with worry etching her gentle features.

Bethany rolled her eyes. "Bella, didn't we talk about tainting my innocent older brother?"

"My, my," Verric tsked at the scene before him, "This whole charade loses its humor after the hundredth time. Wouldn't you agree, Elf?" Fenris only growled in response.

Everyone's attention went to Isabella who had slammed both hands down on the table. "That's it! We're putting an end to this blushing virgin nonsense right this minute. Come on you two. Kitten, Bethy Dear, will you both be dolls and help me lock these two into a broom closet?" She got behind Hawke, wrenching him from his seat and holding him in a vice grip with one hand twisted behind his back.

"Ouch. Ouch. Ouch! Bella, what're you doing." A slightly drunk Hawke was a slightly useless Hawke and he couldn't break the hold even if he wanted to.

Bethany was smiling evilly as she went on Anders' left and a confused but compliant Merrill went on his right. They lifted him to his feet, making him let out a surprised gasp. "You are not dragging me into this! Merrill, Bethany, let me go."

"Hee Hee Hee, no and you better not struggle or I'll put a paralyzing spell on you. I learned from the best." Threatened Sunshine in a cheery voice that promised nothing good.

"Sorry Anders." Merrill stated s they followed behind Isabella, tossing Anders in right after a stumbling Hawke into the broom closet right outside of Verric's suite. The dward did his part of course in forking over the key to lock the door with a smug look on his face and a gleaming mischief in his eyes that promised a written version of these events later.

The two got a little tangled up in each other, darkness making it ten times more difficult to maneuver in the cramped space. When they were reasonably standing on their own two feet they discovered that the space sort of forced them to be so close their chests were touching and the heat radiating off of the other was very noticeable.

"S-sorry about all this, Anders."

Anders sighed, the annoyance for everyone else but the man standing in front of him burning. "It's not your fault, Hawke. We're in the same boat…or closet."

There was a lengthy little silence between them before Hawke finally broke it. "Sooo…what did you used to do in a broom closet? This seems a tad dull to me."

The mage grinned and shook his head. "You're seriously that innocent, Hawke? By the Maker, I can't wrap my head around it…Want me to show you?"

In a confused tone Hawke hesitantly told him, "Sure." Then he had an armful of apostate and a mouth on his own. By the time they were finally let out of the closet both of them had rumpled clothes and hair with the biggest most stupid of grins plastered on their face. All their friends cheered (except for Fenris), whooping and whistling at the two.

"Broom closets are kind of fun." Hawke told Anders when they were seated next to each other, a flagon of ale in front of them.

Anders smirked deviously, "You should see what we can get away with in a Chantry alcove."

**Author's Note:**

> So much innuendo....


End file.
